Thoughts of Grandeur
by Falcon Wisps
Summary: Thatz has had his eyes on Rath for a long time, but the pain of not being able to have him has coused his need to live to break apart. Who, or what, can save him?


Well I've been working on chapter 4 of Gankai merry-go-round and have serious writers block on what to do next, so I decided that maybe writing a little bit of pointless fluff might help get my creative juices flowing. At least, I hope it dose. If it doesn't then I'm kinda screwed now, aren't I? :P  
  
::Disclaimer:: Don't own Dragon Knights. Wish I did, but if I got everything I wanted then life wouldn't be as much fun.  
  
Thoughts of Grandeur  
  
The wind was gentle today. Just a small breeze that grazed your cheek and ruffled your hair. It felt nice against my skin. The heat of the afternoon sun was often hard to escape. That's why I was up here in the first, wasn't I? The tree gave out so much shade. My cool, dark shelter away from the heat. The wind helped as well, kissing the skin of my face and chest. I had removed my shirt for and extra wave of freshness and now sat bare chested up in the tree, half-asleep without a care in the world.  
  
But that never lasted long around here now did it?  
  
I saw him coming from a mile away, well, maybe a few feet. From the edge of the gardens at least. His garnet eyes sparkling, his black hair gleaming, the white wisp being fondled by the winds playful turnings. My breath caught in my throat. My eyes couldn't look away and I felt the heat in my face grow warmer with every passing second. My own eyes gazed at him with such lust within their depths. Striping him with my sight I could only imagine what could lie under the folds and ripples of his clothes. Yes...could only imagine...and I was reminded of that as soon as I noticed that he was not alone. He was with her.  
  
Cecia trailed behind him. It was obvious that she was enjoying being at his side that day, like everyday. Her eyes sparkling and basket at hand, she followed him. Laughing and smiling and acting all giddy. At points making him laugh as well. My heart stung. He had never laughed with me like that. The finally they stopped walking and sat up their lunch under one of the nearby trees. I narrowed my eyes as she sat right next to him, still laughing and smiling and being all sweet and happy. God it made me sick. I really despised that girl sometimes.  
  
But why is that? I never hated her before. Of course, before was when I hadn't figured out that my feelings towards my friend were more then...well...friendly. Before I had realized how great a person Rath was. Before was...when I hadn't fallen in love. When Cecia had come to the castle everything changed. She was always with him now. Always. They always ate lunch together and stuck together and talking with each other to the point that I wanted to scream. I suppose that's why I had been trying to avoid him lately.  
  
It was hard. Everyday I had to go out of my way just so I wouldn't bump into him. Sometimes I had to go halfway around the castle or pretend I was on some important mission for Ruwalk and 'couldn't talk right now'. I even had to skip meals sometimes. I was afraid that I might stare while I ate and he would catch on. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I just don't want to have to see him with her day in and day out. It makes me so sad sometimes when I see him and think 'you can never be that close to him'. And she can. Because she's a woman and I'm not.  
  
It scared the hell out of me when I realized that I was in love with Rath. I had always thought of myself to be straight, I like girls. I liked girls A LOT. I mean, Kitchel. I really liked her...to an extent. Yes she was annoying and bratty and one of the last people I would want to be around for days at a time...but she was really hot. But when I figured out that I liked Rath it was...so say the least...like someone had slapped me in the face, beat my head into the ground with a mallet and then pissed on me. So when you put the shock of that onto the shock over never being able to have him...it hurt. There is no other way to put it. It hurt a lot.  
  
I watched them. I watched every little movement that each of them made. All the subtle hints that Cecia made, a flip of the hair or a pouty look when he got too involved with the food and wasn't listening to her. I closed my eyes and sighed. That girl was getting desperate and it was just a matter of time before she did something drastic. My eyes roamed a bit and then looked back at them. I stopped dead.  
  
Rath's head now rested in Cecia's lap. His eyes were half closed and a lopsided grin on his face. Cecia smiling and petting his hair. How could this have happened in .5 seconds?! I just stared at them. It was like a bad accident. I just couldn't look away. My eyes filled with burning tears that threatened to spill down my face. My mind was racing with all sorts of questions. Why? How could he do this to me? How could he?  
  
I closed my eyes again and tried to regain my senses. It wasn't as if he was actually mine, right? It wasn't like they were in any sort of relationship. It wasn't as if he actually knew that he loved him...  
  
And that was all. I couldn't take it anymore. This feeling of betrayal was so welled up inside that I knew if I didn't get it out I would explode. I jumped out of the tree as fast as I could, loosing my footing when my feet hit the ground and falling over with a loud "WHAM!". I let out a sound that sounded like a half moan, half sob and tried to scramble to my feet. That's when I heard his voice.  
  
"Thatz?"  
  
I whirled around on my heels to look at him, thought I don't know why I did. I knew what it was going to look like. Rath standing up and looking at me with a strange expression on his face, Cecia slightly behind him with a confused/concerned look on her face. "I...I..." But that was all I managed to get out before the tears overtook me. I couldn't take it, anymore. I bolted. Running threw the gardens at top speed. I needed to find a place to clear my head. I needed to find a place to rest.  
  
But was there such a place in this world that I could forget him? He was in my thoughts everyday, and every night his face plagued my dreams. There was not one place in the world that I could clear my head of him, to rest my soul from the grandeur of his self. Except for maybe one thing...but that was so unimaginable and drastic that the mer thought of it made me sick. But at the same time it made me think. If death could solve all of my pain, what is to say that it was actually bad at all?  
  
Never in a million years had I thought that I would be thinking these thoughts. Having ideas running threw my mind so rapidly that the conclusion had passed and I was now contemplating what ways on which to fulfill my wanting for this life to end. I slowed as I approached my room. Pushing open the doors I caught a glimpse of a figure out of the corner of my eye. Curiosity got the best of me, and with just a few moment until my death, why not see who was walking down the hallway. As long as it wasn't Rath anything was good.  
  
Ruwalk had stopped near the middle of the corridor, his papers in had he struggled to keep them all together. Some flew from his hands and in going to catch them the rest fell from his grasp. In frustration he huffed and threw the remaining few to the ground. He stood silent for a few seconds, as if in deep thought, before sinking to the ground, his head in his knees. After a few moments he began to rock with sobs, shaking his entire body with their force. My ears could only pick up a few words that flew from his mouth, but enough to know that he wasn't blubbering about the fallen paperwork.  
  
It had been awhile sense death had hit the Dragon Castle. When Alfeegi and Kai-Stern had died it had hit us all pretty hard. Two precious friends fallen in the commotion of the rebirth of the Demon Lord. But that had been in the past and most of us had said our final good-byes and had moved on. I myself thought that the Dragon Castle never even thought of them anymore, but upon hearing the sobs of Ruwalk calling out to his old friends while crying on the marble floor brought me to realize that I was wrong.  
  
The answer came to me like a slap to my face. What was I doing? I myself had seen what a death of a friend ha done to a person. The result was just down the hallway from him. If I was to go threw with what I wanted, what would happen to the others? Would him name be one that Ruwalk sobbed when no one was around? What about the Dragon Lord? Hadn't I sworn to protect him no matter what the cost? And Rune...what would he think? He knew what it was like to loose someone...and yet he stayed so string. But would another send him off the edge?  
  
And Rath, even if I couldn't love him as I wanted to, he was still my friend, at least I thought I was. How could I be so selfish into thinking that my own selfish desires where ones that reflected my companions? I closed my doors behind me and sank into my bed. The familiar wind drifted threw my window and made me smile sadly. It was a harsh thing, unrequited love, but somehow I felt as if I was not the only one who went threw it. And if thew could live threw it, I could.  
  
I felt physically and mentally drained as the fog of sleep entered my mind. From all this time of realization, I still felt the need to sleep all of this pain away. The pillow seemed to form to my head as the sweet familiarity of drowsiness swept around me. Almost in dreamland I sighed, thinking that maybe in my dream I could have him, once more, before I give up forever.  
  
I knocking on my door forced me out of my sweet prelude to a dream, and dragged me up from where I lay. I moaned in frustration and held my head. "What do you want?" I asked, irritated and cranky like a cat forced off of its nice, warm spot my its master. The door cracked slightly before opening fully, and the sight before me caused my eyes and mind to clear of all traces of sleep. For in the doorway the essence of all my pain and suffering, the object of my desires stood. My mouth hung for a moment before I closed it, determined not to show any sign of sadness or wanting, but the blush that caressed my face made if painfully obvious what I was thinking.  
  
All he did was smile and shut the door behind him.  
  
Well, it was supposed to be a one-shot fluff, but it turned out more like a cliffhanger angst o0;; Why does that always happen to me? It always slips back into angst...  
  
Well, I'm planning of finishing GMGR ch.4 soon, but if you liked this I could always add another chapter. Maybe from Rath's POV. What do you think?  
  
READ AND REPLY PLEASE!!!! 


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